My name is… of no consequence. What is important (only relatively) is that I am starting a blog. If you know me personally or are familiar with my older, long abandoned blog you may guess at the content and method of this. For them and for anyone stumbling upon it, I shall go into the details. A Note: Sorry if this isn’t written as well as it could be, it has been quite a long time since I wrote anything of length that wasn’t dry and academic.
The Situation/The Past:
Currently I am in self imposed exile in the Desert after a college career best described as lacking direction, which would go quite far in painting the general path of my life up to this point. I did decently well in school and was actively and constructively involved in extracurricular organizations ranging from martial arts and cultural performance to social activism. What I didn’t consider the entire time though was a realistic path to independence in the world once my privileged dream was over. I say privileged because I basically lived for 4 years relying on my parents money for education (1st class second tier), food and shelter (which I actually went out of the way to be as frugal about as possible). The point being though that even as the economy was going to shit (and I consciously and rationally studied and analyzed it in the numerous economics classes I went through) I still merely eased my way through life, assuming employment and a future would be as easy to find for me in 2011 as they were for my peers in 2007.
I was wrong: very wrong.
With a Film major and vague “business institutions” minor, a 2.969 GPA and experience working at a Korean-American Television Station and Nickelodeon, I was only qualified to work in television which after an epiphany the summer after my junior year, was not at all where I wanted to be.
I realized when surrounded by the other kids at Nick, most of whom had been told their whole lives that they would never make it in Cartoons because it was a frivolous pursuit and competition was too great, that I had broken into the same high tower as them with only a half hearted dedication and belief in myself. Then it hit me: if I could pull off a miracle like that when I didn’t care, what could I do with my life if I tried to scale the Everest that loomed massive in the back of my mind into the recesses of some of my earliest memories.
I would find a way into video game design no matter what: Even if it killed me.
With this revelation I “came out” to my parents. I say came out because though they had never expressly told me to stay away from computer science, my father constantly berated me my entire life about the worthlessness of video games and their being the supreme form of exploitative free market capitalism: A pursuit with no physical ends nor artistic merit. The reaction was not unlike those given to children of staunchly conservative parents coming out: My parents didn’t talk to me for three days.
I wasn’t really surprised.
I learned more and more broadly in my time than most but by the definition of the purpose of education being the procurement of work or institutional opportunities of higher learning, I had wasted their money. Though they don’t say it I feel that this sentiment has deepened in both theirs and my mind as I applied to jobs late (for personal reasons) and thus being both “off cycle” and in a horrendous economy, applying for jobs I wasn’t ideally qualified for (with odd internship experience) I found little to nothing.
This was a shame as I had hoped to work for a couple years to pay for my own education. Thus after many months my parents finally came around after seeing my desperate state and true desire and ability to work harder than I ever had in my life as I was finally directing the course of my life. Prior to that point the malaise of goal-lessness had made me prone to a manic depressive work ethic in which I would work harder than anyone for limited periods of time and eventually fall back into the respite of caring not. I’ve previously called this Takanori Gomi syndrome. (If you get it you get it, if you don’t bother looking it up, as the relation won’t be immediately evident.)
Thus the current plan in my life is going back to school for a masters in computer science at the local state school. It’s not the best, but as this is on my own money and I’m more motivated then I ever have been in my life, I believe I can bridge and exceed the disparity between my education and that of other students at better schools through a combination of sheer will to go beyond and an unconventional and multidisciplinary analytical and synthesizing mind.
Before I can go back to school though, I have a whole semester to teach myself, both of formal craft in the rudiments of computer science and discrete mathematics but also in architecture, game design and game theory (strategy etc). For this purpose I have modeled my method after Malcolm X and his own self education in that for the first time in my life, I have purpose and in my self imposed semi-solitude I have the opportunity to study as I never could force myself to in college. My eyesight is already quite bad so what would 8 hours of study of formal and informal subjects 5 out of 7 days of the week do beyond the major imperfections in vision I already have?
Purpose (How does the blog fit in?)
This blog now exists for a number of reasons, as my personal account of the intellectual journey I now go upon as well evidence and testament to my formal studies and analysis of whatever I see fit.
This analysis will tend towards art, most often videogames.
Otherwise I will post about my discoveries, thoughts, creations and story ideas.
Vague Idea: Updates on my life, Video Game Reviews/ Critical Analysis, Historic and Political Discussion and general pretentiousness.
Additionally I have/ will be creating another blog entirely from the video game critical analysis and commentary I write on here as a sort of tangible record of gameplay, story and design analysis I’ve done. This will supplement whatever projects I make in the CS classes as a part of a portfolio in game design.
Unlike my last blog, which I think was sometimes insightful, I’m going to keep this one out of my personal life beyond some vague description. This is because I believe my last one became overly petty and want this one to be very much so “long form” and feature well thought out posts requiring deep reading.
Here’s to the future - YEAH